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Vista Apartments’ Windsor Building Room 710: Residents (2003-2013), A List

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1. Bonnie Axelrod Dupont, 34. July 2003-July 2005. A Ph.D. candidate in Engineering Education who left Eklund and Holbrook University, a.b.d., to pursue a career in competitive blind folded checkers.

2. Henan Thurston, III, 28. July 2005-July 2005. Ended own life after having dream about the London terrorist attacks and told no one about the dream. His note read, “They called me a prophet, but who would believe that?” Choked to death on queen sized comforter.

3. July 2005-November 2005. Vacant.

4. Mr. and Mrs. Austin Rogers, 25 and 39, respectively. November 2005-July 2009. Made living as professional imitators of the late Bill Hicks and the late Anne Frank, respectively. Numerous noise complaints. Numerous complaints against Mrs. Rogers for smoking too close to apartment building, especially while dressed as Anne Frank. Moved to Mount Airy, North Carolina to start pet sitting company.

5. Chiranda Schyster, 39. August 2009-December 2011. Instructor at Jacques Churchill School for the Autistic. Left without notice. All property was left behind, including a wall-mounted dulcimer, a framed map of Ohio, and a juicer still in the package. Presumed dead.

6. Nikolai Brewster, 25. January 2012-Present. A call representative for Glumm, Anders, Goethe Incorporated and former guitarist of the punk rock group, The Butchershops. Child of Serbian immigrant and career politician. As of late has an electric bill through the roof due to keeping all lights on at all hours. Has swollen with weight as a side effect of the anti-depressant he’s taking. Meets with psychiatrist twice a week since The Workplace Incident. No longer leaves home without checking each door four times to ensure each is locked from the outside. Wears a Philadelphia Eagles helmet and a bullet proof vest at work.